As anyone who has ever had anything to do with me has quickly learned, I have three children. My oldest is a 13 year old boy whose autism often serves as an obscuring veil, making it hard to tell if he has either brilliantly cutting sarcasm or if he’s growing into a man that feminists will hunt to the ground and beat like a dog, lol.
Such as when I was scrubbing his bathroom in 90 degree weather and he says, “Hey Mommy. You’re really sweaty. You should shower and rest after you make me something to eat.”
(Seriously. And yes, he’s still alive. He genuinely just has sentence structure issues. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Often.)
The other two kids are my four year old twin girls who, while not autistic, definitely have zero sense of self-preservation. “Trouble”—who must have been a spider monkey in a past life—is definitely the ring leader. She sees what she shouldn’t have, shouldn’t touch or shouldn’t do and does her darndest to make her sister get it, touch it, or do it for her. Then there’s “Shatner”, named for her penchant for epic drama and her belief that saying things in slow motion makes them mean more. This also makes her one of the funniest kids I’ve ever met. When she’s not hungry, anyway. Or sleepy. Or wanting something.
As you can imagine, people who know me well are not remotely shocked when I say I’ve taken to writing serial killer stories.
Having multiple kids is not unheard of, of course. Neither is being a “Multiple Mom”, which is a phrase commonly used for mothers of twins, triplets or—God help you—more. But being a multiple mom with multiple jobs is sort of a master class in mayhem. To get much done, you have to be determined…or find a way to channel all your sidetracks back to the same place. Allow me to demonstrate.
When you read a line from “Deceiving The Protector”, you see:
Tate pushed through the break in the brushes, his senses spread out, searching for a threat that didn’t seem to be anywhere near. The woods were silent. Even the small scurrying sound of insects and tiny creatures stilled. As if, like him, they sensed a predator.
A predator that wasn’t him.
When I read it, I remember:
Tate pushed through the break—
Tate pushed through the break—
Tate pushed through the break—
“Look at me, Mommy.”
Tate pushed through the break in the bushes—
“Let me just finish this line, okay?”
—break in the bushes, his senses spread out—
“Are you done yet?”
—searching for a threat that didn’t seem to be anywhere near.
“What about now?”
“Yup, finished the line. What do you need?”
“Your computer’s beautiful, Mommy.”
“Um…okay. Is that it?”
“No. Can I have a snack?”
“What do you want?”
“And fries!” a second small voice pipes up.
“My tummy is kinda hungry, too,” a very deep voice adds from the stairs where I see a hopeful face peering over the rail.
Well, it was a nice five minutes of solid writing time. “Okay, lemme just save—”
“Oh my God, what are you doing?”
Two suddenly contrite little faces, small fingers up just under their chins, acting like they haven’t done this before. “We’re helping, Mommy.”
“By slamming my computer shut?”
“Ummmmm…” Mind you, I do have complete conversations with them where their side is in perfect stereo. Computer smashes are always in stereo.
“Well, you’re not. What am I always telling you?”
The take a second to look at each other in silent conference. “Um, don’t kick sister?”
“No,” Though I do say that to Trouble quite a bit. “The other thing.”
Trouble tries again. “Don’t put my butt on her head?”
This is where I pulled in a deep breath.
“Nooooo.” Shatner lights up like a lightbulb of magical knowledge. “Mommy always says not to poke your nose, silwy!”
And this is when I rubbed the bridge of my nose to reduce the growing pressure.
“Can I get on my computer, Mommy?” comes the deep voice from on high again.
“Yes,” I say wearily.
“Seeeeeeeeee!” says Shatner, because she loves to be right.
“Not you, Him. I’m always telling you girls to stop trying to smash my computer.”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Yup, back in stereo. (Come to think of it, that’s really not a good sign.)
“Yeah, Ohhhhhhhh.” I lift the lid to make sure the screen isn’t cracked. (It’s not.) A quick save and I leave the computer safely on the table, for about 35 minutes while cooking ensues. Children are now munching, tv is on, I return to my story.
The woods were silent.
Even the small scurrying sounds
Or gnawing, straw sucking and crunching…
of insects and tiny creatures stilled.
Well, my tiny creatures anyway. A deep breath and I’m back in the story.
As if, like him, they sensed a predator.
Don’t sigh. Don’t sigh. “Yes?”
“I love you, Mommy.”
I admit. I melt. “Aw honey, I love you, too.”
“Yeah,” Shatner jumps in. “Cause you’re super squishy, Mommy.”
So much for melting. “Yeah, yeah, go eat, kid. I suddenly need to beat up a bad guy with a shifter.”
“Okay!!” A couple of kisses and they’re back to Spongebob. So that’s it. That’s how I get inspired. What I’ll do when they’re civilized people, I have no idea, but until then, bring on the baddies, it’s getting close to dinnertime!
If you’ve got a crazy home life, chime in on the comments. I’m always looking other for Mom-vivors.
If you’re curious about the book above, feel free to click on the cover or you can see the trailer for the book here:
About The Author:
Dee Tenorio has a few reality issues. After much therapy for the problem—if one can call being awakened in the night by visions of hot able-bodied men a problem—she has proved incurable. It turns out she enjoys tormenting herself by writing sizzling, steamy romances of various genres spanning paranormal mystery dramas, contemporaries and romantic comedies. Preferably starring the sexy, somewhat grumpy heroes described above and smart-mouthed heroines who have much better hair than she does.
The best part is, no more therapy bills!
Well, not for Dee, anyway. Her husband and kids, on the other hand…
If you would like to learn more about Dee and her work, please visit her website at www.deetenorio.com, her blog at www.deetenorio.com/Blog or come find her on Twitter: @DeeTenorio (All of these are good ways to follow the ongoing adventures of Trouble, Shatner and Bubba, lol)