Ever feel like your life has lost its spark? Like you’re just going through the motions and not really feeling anything?
That’s what happens to the hero and heroine of my contemporary romance novella, Snowbound with a Stranger. Dannie’s a nurse and Lee is an oncology social worker—two jobs that would knock the stuffing out of anyone.
Nurses, social workers, teachers, doctors, child care providers, police officers, firefighters—the people whose dedicated service keeps our community running—they amaze me. Their work is grueling both physically and emotionally, and yet somehow they manage to do their jobs gracefully while still maintaining relationships with other human beings and not collapsing.
How do they do it?
When I was much younger, I worked for community-based nonprofits. There I met people whose commitment completely floored me. Somehow they managed to survive the work we did—which was often unspeakably difficult—with their sense of humor and compassion intact. The same was true when I became a teacher—long hours (before, during and after school) plus the emotional impact of caring for so many sensitive souls, equaled an essentially zombie-like state at the end of the day. Yet many people teach successfully for decades.
Not everyone. In service fields, there are plenty of people who hate their work. Who resent it. Whose personal lives suffer because of it. Who do their jobs woodenly or spitefully or barely at all.
But those people who hold on to the energy and spirit of their work, who show love, compassion and kindness every day to those they serve—how do they pull it off? For twenty, thirty, forty years? How do they manage to not burn out?
This is a question that comes up for Dannie and Lee in Snowbound with a Stranger. Trapped in a cabin during a massive blizzard, with no one to take care of but themselves, they begin to see how caretaking has taken its toll on them. And then they help each other make it right.
They also have sex a lot. (Because they’re stuck in a cabin. And it’s medically necessary. Or something.)
In the coming weeks I’ll be hosting a guest series on my blog in which I ask six service providers—a firefighter, a union organizer, a social worker, an ER nurse, a teacher and a doula—to talk plainly about what burnout feels like and how to survive it. Come check out the discussion every Monday from June 4th to July 9th.
Today, I’d love to hear your stories. Have you ever burned out on a job that required taking care of other people? If so, what did you do to work through it? Did you read a metric ton of romance novels? (That’s what I did.)
A free copy of Snowbound with a Stranger goes to one random commenter, so join in the chat!
Thanks for reading, and remember: you’re important too.
Rebecca Rogers Maher lives in Brooklyn, New York with her husband and children. She is the author of the Recovery Trilogy—I’ll Become the Sea, Snowbound with a Stranger and the forthcoming Fault Lines (September 2012)—from Carina Press. You can learn more about her at her website and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Tags: author, burnout, caretaker, Carina Press, Contemporary Romance, novella, Rebecca Rogers Maher, release, Snowbound With a Stranger, women
Very true, so many of the jobs you listed require workers to put other people’s needs before their own. Friends of mine have made similar observations about social work and firemen.
Definitely going to read this book and the first part of the trilogy.
Very true, I have friends who’ve worked in non-profits and they have made similar observations about social workers and fire fighters. Some workers are wired to put other people’s needs before their own. Curious to see how this figures into your book.
Definitely going to read your novel and the first part of the trilogy.
I am still in college so the only kind of burn-out I have experience was school related. When ever I get really stressed or depressed, I break out the rereads to become functioning again.
Danielle, there’s nothing quite like school burnout. Feeling like you can never rest because there’s always something you could/should be reading/writing/studying — I don’t envy you! But I’m impressed that you find a way to work through it. (I must have read Jane Eyre 20 times in college.)
Hello Rebecca,
I am looking forward to this series on coping with burnout. With the state of world affairs, in general, and the pinch many Americans have been feeling for years as a result of the downturn in the economy, I think many people are experiencing stress-induced burnout.
A few of the activities that help me when I’m in a state of chronic stress is enjoying nature (taking a walk, riding a bike, spending time in a beautiful garden) and eeking time to scrapbook. When I’m feeling totally drained, I must quiet myself and spend some time praying to re-center.
There is nothing better than being a mother, but at the same time, I’ve never felt more taxed–on both emotional and physical levels–as I did the year I became a mother. Our family came about a little unconventionally. We adopted two little girls–sisters–10 mos and 2 yrs old, Six months later, we decided to do a major home renovation and during the renovation we had the worst flooding in decades. All I can say is, thank God for good friends, family and a loving husband. Interestingly enough, it was at this time that I started writing.
I really look forward to reading Snowbound with a Stranger and following your blog!
Susan, thank you for sharing your strategies. I love that you have some tried-and-true techniques at hand to use when you’re feeling overwhelmed. That is inspiring! There really is nothing like being outside in the natural world.
Thanks so much for stopping by today!
DL, thank you so much for bringing up parenting as a source of burnout. Of all the jobs I’ve ever done, being a mother is the hardest. It’s the most rewarding, too, and the most beautiful, but in terms of depletion it’s the toughest job there is.
It sounds like you are made of steel! Two new small family members needing you so intensely plus a major renovation and flooding sounds incredibly overwhelming. I’m so glad you found writing then. It’s such a powerful way to make sense of things and release them. And you’re such a great writer, too!
Thank you for coming by today!
Like your heroine, I was an oncology social worker. I’ve found burn-out to be an inadequate term for what caregivers experience. Compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, etc., are more descriptive of what I and my colleagues have gone through. The other frustrating aspects of this are that we are told to “detach” from patients/clients, and when we don’t, we are made to feel at fault for having our feelings, — by others and ourselves. (“Why are you so upset that this patient died?”, “Why can’t I let this go?”) Many of our non-profits are still not prepared for caring for the caregiviers.
Karen, secondary trauma in particular strikes at the heart of what’s happening. It IS traumatic to care for people in crisis. It’s a powerful struggle to balance giving connected, compassionate care with maintaining the boundaries and self care we need to protect ourselves. This is what I hope the guest blog series will address, or at least begin to address in discussion. Many non-profits are not prepared for caring for the caregivers, yes, and many of us are not prepared for caring for ourselves. But the work we do is critical and we need and deserve support in order to do it.
Thank you for stopping by. And thank you so much for the work you do.
Danielle, you win a free copy of Snowbound with a Stranger! Send your email address to rebeccarogersmaher@gmail and I’ll send it your way. Congrats and thanks for stopping by!
I loved reading Snowbound with a Stranger and really look forward to the guest series. I so appreciate the people who dedicate their careers to working in these areas and don’t think they get enough opportunities to tell their stories.
Laverne, your comment just came through!
You make a great point about work that requires putting others’ needs before your own. I think it’s really important to acknowledge how valuable this kind of work is, to honor the effort, skill and compassion it requires, and to take care of ourselves and our own needs so that we can continue to do it without killing ourselves.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Lisa, thank you for stopping in!
I so appreciate the people who do this work, too. We simply couldn’t function as a society without their dedication, courage and compassion.
So happy to hear you enjoyed the book!
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